Communicating with Teens
How to Have Better Conversation With Your Teenager
Parents can improve communication with their teenage sons and daughters by adopting a less confrontational approach and showing a genuine interest in their world.
Communicating with Your Teenagers
At the end of a busy day parents wanting to communicate with their teenagers usually begin by asking questions about the teen’s day. Questions such as, “What did you do at school?” “What marks did you get for that test?” Or even just, “How was your day?” are usually part of parents’ attempts to connect with their teen.
And often parents receive a quick nondescript reply before the teenager goes to their room and closes the door.
Dr James Dobson of Focus on the family says hormonal changes can quickly turn an easygoing chatty child into a silent teen. "You can expect communication to be very difficult for several years," says Dr Dobson.
So, communicating with teens will test parents during these years, but there are things that will help you.
Share Your Own Experiences
When your teen comes in the door at the end of the day (or when you get home from work) rather than asking them about their day, tell them about your day. "If you share with him a funny or stressful incident you experience during the day he may spontaniously share a similar incident with you. Lighthearted talk can be non threatening." say Ian and Mary Grant from Parents Inc. This helps to improve the atmosphere for you both.:-
- Mention what you did during the day, and a problem or challenge you faced.
- Ask their opinion on the problem you faced. This will make them feel you honour and trust them. Their advice will most probably be sensible.
- When you share your own experience they are more likely to open up and talk about their day.
- Remember that teens don’t want to be questioned all the time.
Be Interested in Their World
Your teenager can tell if you really are interested in them. Dr Dobson talks about the importance of shared hobbies or interests with your teens. This can be anything you enjoy doing together from sports to model making to holidays. Look for ways to connect.
- Keep supporting your teen's sports, hobbies and other activities into the teen years.
- Show an interest in your teen's friends. Accept their friends, and ask genuine questions about their interests and families.
- Transporting your teen and their friends to sporting and extra curricular activities is a good way of linking into their world.
If you see a difficulty arising in your teenager’s life don’t pounce on them like a Sargent major. Instead, ask a quiet question or give a comment that shows your concern. Comments such as “Making friends can be difficult,” or, “Have you thought of talking to the teacher about that,” allows your teen to think about what you say in their own time.
If a more serious problem develops don’t hesitate to get help or to attend a course. Look up the website of Parents Inc for tips on communicating with teens. Focus on Your Child provides a wealth of age related information and help, and gives the option to ask online questions.
Ian and Mary Grant suggest you learn your teen's pattern of communication and work with it. "Every person has ways and times they communicate best. Some teenagers will spill everything quickly and openly. Others had to digest things within themelves before they can share with others."
It’s worth putting in that extra effort to provide an atmosphere that makes communication between you and your teen run more moothly.
And, as Dr James Dobson says, after years of quiet anxiety parents will learn to their relief that everything is A-Ok and they can look forward to a wonderful time of communication for both generations.
