Concerns of Emotional Impact after Discipline
Post-punishment Techniques and Points to Help Your Teen
Apr 17, 2009
Regardless of the behavior and the punishment assigned there are some very specific concerns to address after the discipline has been administered. Parents need to separate the child from the behavior. Parents also need to check in on the teens' feelings after the discipline and to monitor the teen for a period to make certain no lingering effect remains.
Clarifying the Goals of Punishment for Teenagers
After the teen successfully completes the directives given during the punishment, parents should make certain to cover the following:
- The punishment was aimed at the behavior and not at the teenager as a whole person. Make certain the teen knows he is loved as a person but the behavior was not acceptable.
- All people make mistakes. Even if the behavior was a pronounced deviation, help the teenager see all people are guilty of missteps and the consequences have been paid.
- They are moving forward with a clean slate. Teens may believe parents harbor negative feelings about them and feel they are no longer trustworthy. Parents should help teens understand everyone has learned from the experience, but it is assumed the behavior will not occur again.
Avoiding Emotional Problems Related to Discipline
Also, teenagers may continue to feel guilty after punishment. A certain amount of guilt may motivate teens to have certain convictions about their behavior. However, excessive guilt may lead to depression. This emotion can be exacerbated if parents make statements such as "Look what you put me through" or "Now the whole family can't go on the vacation"; they are placing an unfair burden on the teen.
When reviewing the discipline administered, parents should ask themselves these questions?
- Did I attack my child or focus on the behavior?
- Did I burden my teen with my emotions?
- Did I tie in the behavior unfairly with other things already occurring in the family?
Parents should be responsible for their emotions and how they are expressed. This allows the teen to mirror the behavior and become responsible for his or her own feelings. If parents place blame on the teen for their own emotional states, it sends the signal to the teen of over responsibility for the care of the parents.
If teens become moody, anxious, have a change in weight or isolate themselves from friends and family for more than two weeks, parents should seek help. All threats of self-harm must be taken seriously. Parents should never hesitate to involve a member of the helping professions to evaluate their teenager for possible depression or anxiety.
Discipline is a duty of parents but a duty which should be discharged with an eye on the consequences. Parents should aim to stop the behavior without targeting the overall child. By planning for discipline both before and after it is administered, parents are more likely to meet the goal of correcting behavior.
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