The teen years are tricky territory both for the teenager themselves as well as their parents. Severe hormonal shifts and other drastic physiological changes combined with the fact that this growing child is trying to become an adult yet still cling to certain childish ways can be bewildering for both the juvenile and their adult caretakers. Teens want to be treated like an adult but still tend to exhibit tantrums and other immature behavior. ‘I hate you!’ or similar sentiments may become familiar phrases heard in your household.
Accept That This Is Part of the Growing Process
Peer pressures, school pressures and other new responsibilities can act like a heavy lid on an already boiling pot of internal physical and mental issues. There are going to be explosions. And just like you can’t necessarily blame the boiling pot for spattering you, so too should you make an effort to not blame the teen who has a meltdown, no matter how personal their remarks may seem.
How to React to a Negative Outburst
The first thing to remember is that these outbursts should not be taken personally. This is very important and bears repeating – do not take these outbursts personally. Oftentimes your young man or woman is not even completely certain as to why they are upset. Sure, they believe that they have what to them are very clear reasons for their angst, which they will spill out like a frothing volcano, spewing wave after wave of imagined or real complaints and other verbal assaults. Remain calm. Maintaining your serenity in the face of this torrent is going to be difficult, but their upset is only being aimed at the most convenient target. Which, unfortunately, is you the parent.
Take a Break And Calm Down
The best thing for both parties to do when there is a flare-up is to walk away and allow each other a cooling off period. Time outs are not just for small children. They work equally well for adults and budding adults. Once each side is feeling sufficiently reasonable(which can take hours or in some cases days) meet again to discuss whatever issue has arisen. There is usually more than hormonal surges at work and your teenager will benefit from a calm discussion not only to help them sort through their own thoughts and feelings but also by having your calmer example to follow. If ‘I hate you’ or other problems re-arise at this point, take another break.
You Are Not Alone And This Too Shall Pass
Patience is going to be tested on all fronts, so learn to take a lot of deep breaths, take a lot of time outs and don’t take your teenager’s venom to heart. Remember, this is still your beloved child. There is every reason to believe that what is happening now is a temporary phase, even if it turns out to be several years’ worth of temporary. Other families over the millennia have survived this same phenomenon, so the odds are good that you can, too. There is every reason to believe that someday you’ll have an adult child with whom you can interact on a mature level. It may feel like forever until that wonderful day arrives, but it will come. And in the meantime wear an emotional helmet to protect yourself from those verbal arrows of hate. Your teen doesn’t really mean it. It’s just the hormones talking.
