Fears Young Teens Have at Funerals
Helping Your Child Deal with the Death of a Loved One
As children pass through their developmental stages, they come to an important understanding that they are mortal. Death remains a mysterious part of life and one that carries fears for children. When attending a funeral, especially their first, these fears are made concrete and need to be addressed by the parents. Likely, the funeral will be for a family member or dear friend of the family, and this continues to complicate kids' understanding of what is happening.
Fears Present after the Death of a Loved One
The younger your teen is at the time of the death and funeral, the more numerous the fears. He or she is likely to begin to think about the possibility of his or her death one day and the death of parents. He or she is also likely to be concerned about scripture quoted, the coffin and the burial itself. Teens need parents to be there with some answers, especially to these concerns:
- What happens when I die?
- Is it my fault grandmother died?
- Why are they putting the coffin in the ground? Can she get out?
- Her body looks weird and feels cold.
Accurate and Sympathetic Answers
The points above represent common fears for younger teens. You will need to prepare to answer these fears and questions confidently and with compassion. As children begin to internalize the world, bringing the truths of the outside world to their understanding, many experience a sense of guilt. It is common for kids to think things are their fault because their ability to see the full set of circumstances is developmentally limited. If your child expresses this guilt, immediately tell him or her the cause of death and explain in simple terms how the cause was completely out of his or her control.
Teenagers are more and more likely to be concerned with their own mortality as they mature. For this fear, parents need to either share their personal faith or share with the child a number of different views. It boosts self-esteem and calms fears quickly to express belief in a loving God who created people and when people die, they go home to this loving God.
Both the fact that the body is on display and then is placed in a hole in the ground, can be very disconcerting to children. A common strategy is to explain this as how most American cultures take care of those who have died. The passed loved ones are viewed to remember them as he or she was when they were alive and so people may touch a hand or kiss a forehead goodbye. The grave can be frightening but it again is only a place to put the body according to custom. If you believe the soul or spirit goes on, share with the child the spirit has gone on and it's only the body going into the ground.
Help your teenagers deal with the fears raised by attending a funeral by providing patient, compassionate answers. If you do not know the answer, be honest about your confusion. Teenagers will not see it as a sign of weakness but simple honesty. When you can answer questions, remember to consider the age of your teenagers and use appropriate language. Also, if you have a faith, it is important to include this in your answers to allay fears.
Teens Fears of Death.
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