Helping Parents Understand Teens
A Balanced Look at what Causes Communication Problems
Teenagers will find it easier to talk to and respect their parents if they feel they are not being talked down to or overlooked.
Most teenagers complain that their parents don’t understand them. Understanding is the first step towards better communication and open relationships. Here are some problem areas common to many teenagers.
Listen
Many parents are not prepared to hear their teens out on certain topics such as dating or curfews. This results in their child feeling frustrated and belittled. Even if the parents knows their answer will be no, it would be better to really listen and discuss the issue before making their final decision.
No History Lessons
Parents love to lecture their offspring on how tough things were in the old days. Teens know things have changed, but today is a different era with its own problems and challenges. Don’t ramble on about the past.
Forgive Mistakes
Mistakes are a part of life and a part of the process of maturing. Some teens are so closely controlled that they barely have a chance to make mistakes. Give them a bit of breathing space and if it backfires, sit down and have a mature discussion about what went wrong.
Don’t Push Academics
Some kids are just not academics. Even if committed to work as hard as they can, they cannot produce what they are not capable of. Ease up on the academics, encourage them, and create opportunities for them to do well in areas where they are gifted.
Don’t Try and Fix Everything
Parents have the understandable habit of trying to fix everything for their children. Sometimes teens just need to talk about issues such as being excluded from a clique or the pain of a broken relationship. Try listening with compassion and understanding to what the teen is really trying to say.
Make Time
It goes without saying that listening takes time. Make it a habit to talk regularly, even if it is just about the weather and trivial matters. If the teen gets used to chatting, chances are he will feel more comfortable talking if he knows his audience is interested and available.
Do Set Boundaries
Teens may moan about curfews and rules, but at the end of the day, many actually appreciate them. They act as a safety net that they can use in uncomfortable situations and make them feel more secure in their parent’s love.
Don’t Expect Overnight Miracles
Teenagers are a complex mix of maturity, immaturity, hormones and intellect. Even the best laid plans and intentions can backfire. Don’t give up. A loving parent who sets limits, is available to talk, and really listens to a teen will eventually see an improvement in his behavior and relationships.
There is no doubt that teenage years are stormy ones, but parents can help ease their passage by taking time and making an effort to understand what their children are going through.
