Making the move from elementary school to high school is one of the biggest transitions in a young teen girl’s life. Avoiding cliques, dealing with vicious rumours, wearing the right clothes and dating are all hurdles that teen girls encounter when they step inside the long endless halls of high school.
As a parent it is complicated to know the right things to say. Sometimes it appears as though teen girls are in their own world; they speak their own language and beat a drum to a different beat.
In 2002, Rosalind Wiseman wrote the book Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends and Other Realities of Adolescence (Three Rivers Press, 2002). Soon afterward, based largely on the book, the movie Mean Girls was produced.
Daughters Need Their Mothers in Their Life
“I want a better relationship with my parents. I know I have to build their trust back, talk to them and listen to them and it will work out fine.” (Quote from the book Queen Bees and Wannabes)
Whether they admit it or not every daughter wants and needs an authority figure in her life. But how do mothers get through the front door and enter into the girl’s world?
The easiest way – remember what it was like during those teenage years. The book outlines several points to help break through those barriers.
- Affirm the child's feelings.
- Don't use slang language.
- Discuss and share stories, even if it means sharing a story that outlines mistakes the parents made when they were that age.
- Don't try to fix all the problems.
- Let her make mistakes, even if she has solutions that are half-baked, allow her to make them.
- Silence is part of the process. Difficult or uncomfortable situations will produce silence.
- Regardless of how silly or dramatic the child appears, do not make fun of her.
- Be an ally to the child. Be someone who shares the same values and whom she can seek out for help and advice.
The Other Girls
Most teenage girls experienced this at one time or another. The mean girls, the ones that rule the school. This is probably the biggest influence in a girl's life. Teasing, Gossiping and Reputations should be subjects taught at school. According to the book, 99.9 per cent of girls’ gossip and gossip is a learned behaviour. The first place to stop the gossip cycle is in the home. If gossip is a learned behaviour, then who is setting the example? To help her, parents must first acknowledge the role of teasing and gossip in their own lives. Remember, children model their parents' behaviour.
Boys, Drugs and Sex
These are probably the three scariest topics to discuss with a teenage girl. But they are probably the most important. Open communication is the best way to deal with these situations. More than likely the answers a teenage girls gives her parents are not going to be what the parents want to hear. Regardless of how much love parents have for a child, they can't parent well if they don't get them the help that is needed to get them through the teenage years.
Source
Wiseman, Rosalind. Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends and Other Realities of Adolescence. New York: Three Rivers Press, 2002
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