Listening to Teens
Improving Conversation and Hearing What Your Teen is Really Saying
Develop the skill of listening to your teen. Be ready to hear what your teen has to say, know your teens interests and learn to ask your teen relevant questions.
Listening to Your Teenager
Listening skills are important if you want to communicate with your teen.
If you find you’re having a disagreement or difference of opinion with your teenager it’s important to listen properly. Listening properly means giving them the time to say what they want to say and not coming in immediately with the opposite viewpoint. It means sometimes letting them have the last word. You could end the discussion by saying, “I’ll think about what you’ve said.”
Know Your Teens Interests
Make a point of knowing your teenager’s interests, including their favourite music, films, television programmes and the people they email and communicate with on the phone and computer. What is your son or daughter’s favourite food and drink? Show you are available to talk and listen by making them their favourite drink while they’re studying.
Meals Together Enhance Listening
Plan meals together so you can talk and listen:
- You can celebrate teens achievements with a special meal at home.
- Set the table with your best china and cutlery, put flowers on the table.
- Cook a meal your teen will particularly enjoy.
- Turn off the television and other electronic equipment.
- Ask your teenager’s opinion of items in the news, local events and other situations.
- Ask the question, “Can you name three good things that happened to you today?”
- Taking your teen out for a drink or a meal gives you a good opportunity to really talk.
Be Ready to Listen
Be ready to listen when your teenager wants to talk. This may be in the car when you’re driving your teen to a sporting event or other extra curricular activity. Or your teen may start a conversation while you’re at the computer or doing a household chore. Take this opportunity to really listen. Don’t be so tired that you can’t talk when your teen is available.
If your teenager brings up a problem that they are having at school; with a friendship; or some other difficulty they’re experiencing listen carefully to their viewpoint:
- Don’t automatically assume they your teen is in the wrong and the other person is in the right.
- It’s important to take their concern seriously.
- If you want to come in with another viewpoint say something like, “Have you thought about…”
- Listen genuinely without interruption. Ask questions to clarify what your teen is saying.
- Remember that while talking, the teenager will often solve his or her own problem.
- Think of yourself as a coach.
Ian and Mary Grant of Parents Inc. suggest trying these conversation extenders – “I really want to hear your point of view.” “Lets talk about this.” “Tell me more.” “I’m interested…. convince me.” They say it’s important for parents to make transitions in the way they talk to their teens. “They [teens] are quick to block us out if they feel we are treating them like children.”
Your teenagers will appreciate your efforts at real listening. Every family is different and it’s important to work out ways that enhance listening for your situation.
