Parenting a Mixed-Race Teen
Special Concerns in Raising a Teenager in Multi-Ethnic Families
There are unique difficulties teenagers of a mixed race family face. In order to help address problems of discrimination, exclusion and marginalization, parents need to be active in discourse of the issues before they arise.
Discrimination Still Exists
Hate is alive in well in pockets of the United States. It is a shameful fact that 8,050 hate crimes occurred in Texas in 2006 (Patricia Ruland, Hate Crimes in Texas: A Breakdown, Austin Chronicle, 2007). The majority of targets show the older prejudices against African-Americans still hold. If a person looks black, regardless of the familial mix, they are likely to face discrimination in their lives.
Of course, discrimination can be more insidious than outright violence. Often non-white teenagers experience exclusion. This can lead to feelings of isolation and depression. Being passed over on the field by a biased coach or treated differently by a teacher can also be rooted in exclusion.
Marginalization of the teenager is another form of discrimination. Mixed race teens are often treated as having unimportant issues or reasons for feeling as if they are experiencing abusive actions. The tendency to marginalize or minimize by saying things such as "we don't see color here" do more harm than good by avoiding issues.
How Parents Can Help
Parents of mixed-race teenagers can help in important ways. The help and support they give to their multiracial child is essential in preparing him or her for the knocks from life that are all but sure to come.
Lindsey Getz in her article The Rainbow Prohibition (Best Life, February 2008) points out parents need to begin by looking at their own "hang ups". That is, parents need to be aware of any internalized racism they may hold. Parents need to face the following questions and answer them honestly:
- What are my feelings and beliefs about the race of my mate?
- How do I react in groups of people of race other than my own?
- Do I have meaningful friendships with members of another race? Why or why not?
By conducting a bit of self discovery, parents will often uncover attitudes important to address while raising their teenager.
Of course, there are actions parents can take to empower their teenagers and help them prepare for experiences that may have in the world outside the family.
First, don't ignore the problem or the issue. Making statements such as "we don't see people as different" is simply not a true statement. Most people have the visual acuity to determine skin color. There emotional reactions are what need to be explored. However, ignoring it will not make it go away.
Secondly, encourage teenagers to have a diversity of friends. The more cultures and races your teen is exposed to, the stronger their sense in the humanity of us all becomes.
Finally, advocate for the teenager. The first signs of discrimination from a teacher or other parent should bring swift attention. By facing problems early in a developing situation, offending parties can either be educated, deflected or a change can be made.
Raising teenagers of a mixed race hold special challenges. However, parents can prepare themselves and then prepare their teenager for the reality outside of the home environment. Inside the home, support, warmth and understanding should always prevail.
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