Parents Can Help Teens Who are Afraid of Moving
Changing Schools and Changing Friends is Hard for Teens
Change is synonymous with the experience of adolescence. However, some stability is necessary for these changes to move along in the correct steps. Teenagers are resilient and can adapt to a move to new city so long as parents keep the family routines familiar. Also, providing opportunities to transfer interest and friendships outside the family should be seen as being essential.
Keeping the Family Stable
Before the move, the teenagers will have become accustomed to the stability of the family structure. Teens may become very anxious during a change in homes. This anxiety can be reduced by keeping the routines of the family as familiar as possible.
Parents should be aware of what functions have become family hallmarks. Whether it is a set dinner time once or twice per week, or the goodnight check-in of both parents before lights out, each family will have some established routines.
Rachel Dunifon performed a review of family structure in her study Family Structure and Community Context [Journal of Youth and Society, 2006] and found some family functions were even more important to youth than those structures youth formed with their peers and other considerations outside of the family.
Some important items included in the considerations of the article included
- Keeping family routines as close as possible to pre-move conditions. Dinner time and night time routines, for example should be maintained.
- Maintaining home rules and discipline conditions. Too many changes in rules or restrictions will add to the teens anxiety over the move.
- Continue to make specific times to be available for family interactions. Make an hour or two during the week in which the teen is the complete focus of the family's time.
Keeping the family structure and routine as close as possible in the new location as it was in the former home helps teens cope with the changes outside of the family.
Transferring Peer Relations and Outside Interests
The most difficult part of moving for teenagers will lie in the structures, peers and interests outside the family home. Teens will need some time to accept new schools, friends and extracurricular activities.
New institutions, such as schools and churches, will make their own efforts to help teens cope with the changes. Parents need to encourage teens to attend regularly and help answer any questions the teen may have. It might help for parents to make an effort to meet new teachers and introduce themselves and the educational goals they have for their teenagers. This will signal to both the teenager and the new school that parents intend to be involved.
Teenagers will miss their old friends. Parents should be sensitive to the teenager's sense of loss over old friendships. Where possible, parents should help teens change the nature of the friendship by encouraging visits with old friends via telephone or in person. At the same time, parents should make an effort to welcome any new friends into their homes and meet the parents of the teenager's new peers.
Most adolescents have extracurricular activities in which they are interested. Parents should encourage participation in the new area's equivalent resources. If teenagers have been interested in groups such as Boy Scouts or Boys and Girls Clubs, parents will want to make certain that these groups are available in the new area.
A quick review of points concerning the venues outside of the family parents should focus upon:
- Meeting teachers and church leaders where the teen will be attending. Make certain the teen understands attendance requirements and meeting times.
- Providing resources for the teenager to visit with hometown friends and peers. Help preserve important friendships.
- Making the new home available to new friends and peers. Meet with the parents of the teenagers new friends.
- Making the teen aware of local clubs and organizations reflecting their teenager's previous interests.
While a move can be stressful on all family members, most teens are resilient enough to adapt to the new home with some help from parents. By preserving family routine, parents set a tone of normalcy for the new location. Also, parents should make efforts to involve teens in similar activities and organizations available to them at their previous home.
Moving for Teens
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