Have you begun to notice some changes taking place within your child’s body, attitude and behavior? Has your usually sweet and adoring child suddenly begun asserting themselves in ways not seen before? Let me be the first to welcome you to the teen years.
How To Survive The Teen Years-
There’s no need to panic or hyperventilate at the mere mention of teens and the changes they are experiencing within their minds and bodies. It is a time when parents can enjoy helping their growing teens become the independent, self-sufficient adults they are meant to be. So don't panic, you can and will survive the teen years, and so will your teenage children.
While some parents view the teen years as the most tumultuous time in their children’s lives, wrought with confusion, frustration and stress, it is likely the same for teens trying to understand what is going on inside of them. Fortunately, help is available from many sources, with helpful suggestions and advice to assist parents in dealing with the various issues that are likely to arise. It is up to you as the parent to determine what advice works best for your family beliefs, morals and values and toss aside the rest.
When Does "Surviving The Teen Years" Begin?
Exactly when the changes begin to occur varies with each child. Some parents report noticing the shift right around the time their child enters middle school, leaving for school one day as usual and returning later that day seemingly unrecognizable. Regardless of when the changes become apparent, parents need to be well-prepared to help their growing children better understand what is taking place, continually expressing their love for their children even if behaving unlovable. Helping your teen children "survive the teen years" can be challenging, but extremely rewarding in the long run.
Keep in mind that the move from child to adult is a gradual change, and it is up to you as the parent to decide when your child is ready for each new step towards adulthood. Young teens are dealing with puberty and becoming comfortable with their changing bodies. Older teens are seeking ways to become autonomous, i.e. separate and independent from their parents in thought and action. In order to get there, teens must question their parents’ ideas, beliefs and values.
Communication With Teens-
Teens need to begin developing some sense of independence from their parents, with opportunities to make choices and decisions on their own. It is therefore vital that parents strive to maintain open communication with their teens, with calm discussions relating to what parents believe are in the best interests of their children and family. Clearly establishing the “rules of the house”, setting curfew, showing parental and sibling mutual respect, helps to lay the groundwork towards children understanding that independence also brings consequences. Communication with your teen requires that you “talk less and listen more” in order to learn how your growing teen truly feels and views issues relating to them, thus providing you further opportunity to provide sound guidance and instruction.
Fostering Independence-
It’s important for teens to learn how to make wise choices and decisions. Parents are not able to maintain total control over their teens, and as frightening as it might seem, children eventually learn that parents aren’t infallible. By the time children have reached the teen years, they should have already learned the parents morals and values, thus providing opportunities for teens to prove their trustworthiness in making sound decisions sex, drugs and alcohol.
Discussions with your teen, perhaps role-playing possible scenarios about sex, drugs and alcohol not only establish your parental position on such topics, but also help you find ways of further guiding your teen on how to avoid such pitfalls. Ask your teen questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer. Ask them “What would you do if someone offered you drugs?” or “What if someone offered you a cigarette?” and so on.
Be Realistic-
Outside influences and peer pressure increase dramatically during the teen years. It is imperative that parents not only know their teens friends names, addresses and phone numbers, but also really get to know the parents. Not all parents will act in the best interest of their own children, let alone yours. Some parents allow their teens to drink alcohol at home with their parents’ supervision. Invitations to teen parties and gatherings may allow teens to enjoy some independence from their parents, but having a clear understanding amongst the parents about is and is not to be allowed will help to alleviate any possibility of things going awry.
The teen years can be among the best years of your children’s lives. Keep a positive attitude and knowing that “this too shall pass”, and eventually both you and your children will look back on those years knowing you got through it together.
Suggested Reading:
Parenting Teenagers - Systematic Training for Effective Parenting
Parent - Teen Contracts: A Tool for Disciplining Teenagers
