Improve Teen Listening with a Talking Tool
Better Communication with Teens Using the Sandwich Method
Jul 1, 2008
The sandwich method of talking to teens is a three-step formula that parents can quickly learn. A parental talking tool, the sandwich method encourages teens, improves communication with teens and helps teens listen more when parents talk. The sandwich method offers a way for parents to give short bits of advice or gentle reminders to teens while still encouraging teens at the same time. To better communicate with teens, sandwich a short reminder between two encouraging statements.
Benefits of Using the Sandwich Method of Talking to Teens
When parents use the sandwich method, the odds are that teens will listen more often. A helpful talking tool, the sandwich method builds a bridge to communicate with teens.
Teens are in a stage of breaking away and becoming independent. This means that teens aren’t often in the mood to listen to parents. Teens want to make their own decisions without input, which teens call nagging, from parents.
Teens hear plenty of negative statements and frustrated reminders from parents. Although many teens put on a tough image in front of parents, the hormone surge of puberty makes teens extra sensitive to criticism and teens have a tendency to blow a tiny constructive comment out of proportion. What parents view as overreactions from teens are strong real emotions felt by teens. To improve the way teens listen, parents can be more encouraging to teens and more effective while talking to teens by using the sandwich method.
How To Use the Sandwich Method to Improve Communication with Teens
Follow these three simple steps to use the sandwich method of communicating with your teen.
- Say something encouraging to your teen.
- Give the gentle reminder.
- Say something encouraging to your teen.
Examples:
Reminder to Clean
- "Son, I’ve noticed that you have been taking the trash out without complaining these past few weeks and I want you know that I really appreciate the change."
- "I do have one small thing to remind you about. You said you’d clean up the video games on the coffee table and I noticed it hasn’t been done yet. I’d like you to clean up the videos right now."
- "Oh, yeah, one more thing. I just want to give you a hug."
Reminder to Charge Cell Phone Before Going Out
- "Hey, thanks for sharing that CD with me. I actually do like a few of the songs on it."
- "Oh, and about the other night, it's really important to me that you keep your cell phone charged before you go out with your friends. I like to be able to touch base with you. If your cell phone dies again, will you call me from a friend's phone and leave me their number?"
- "I really do like your friend, Steve. He seems to be a good friend to you."
The sandwich method is an easy to learn talking tool that helps parents better communiate with teens. By "sandwiching" a reminder between two positive statements, parents can encourage teens at the same time parents are making a request of teens. The sandwich method improves communication with teens and reminds teens how much parents care.
