Good Questions to Get Teens Talking
Teenagers Have Mastered the Art of Yes or No
How was your day? Fine. Who are you dating? Nobody. It can drive you to insanity, but good communication is your responsibility as well. The frustration of talking with your teen probably arises from the way you are phrasing your questions. Although you may get a meaningful answer from your spouse when you ask, What did you think of the party? Your teen will most likely answer "It was Ok." Teens will open up more when apply your skills to illicit descriptive responses.
Time to Change Phrasing
Opening up your teenager requires finding ways to ask questions requiring descriptive responses. For example, instead of asking "How was lunch?" ask "What did you like most about lunch today?" Or, instead of asking "Did you have fun on vacation?" ask "What did you enjoy most about your vacation?"
Here are some more examples :
- Instead of asking "How is your day going?", try asking "What have enjoyed most doing most today? Oh, really, why?"
- Instead of asking "Who was that on the phone?", try phrasing "You seemed to enjoy talking on the phone just now. Tell me about what you were laughing about."
- Or instead of asking "Did you eat lunch?" ask "What was the best thing you had at lunch today?"
While your teenager has become comfortable with answering with one word, you've become accustomed to them answering in this way. Asking questions that open up the way for real communication will feel unnatural at first. When you find yourself falling into old patterns, review your objectives for talking with your them.
Why Would I Want to Know
Parenting takes bravery and that includes the bravery to know more about your teenager from his or her point of view. You may have lived with an insulated viewpoint of your teen, relying simply on your observations and the feedback from other adults. If you are going to bother to ask questions which illicit communication, be prepared for the answers. This is especially true as you move into deeper levels of talking after the first few successful exchanges.
The Questions to Avoid
- Any question which may be answered yes or no. This will take practice so spend a few minutes thinking about phrasing questions you normally ask them during the day.
- Any question which may be answered with one word. This requires phrasing questions which illicit descriptive responses. Again, go over phrasing in your mind.
- Any question involving teen jargon. This will clue them in to your attempt to expand communication and it may backfire!
The Bonds You Will Make
It may seem simple at first, but once your teen begins to see he or she is not going to be able to escape with one word answers, he or she may soon find a new confidence in you in being able to handle issues that are important in his or her day to day lives.
You may find your teenagers beginning more conversations with you and revisiting the days of trust you had with them when they were much younger. With a little practice, you'll find you can disarm even the most stubborn one answer kid. If you're lucky, your kid won't mind and will even find the new lines of communication as a new reasons to trust.
The skill of phrasing questions to bring out more descriptive answers leads to more conversations. Avoiding the opportunity for yes or no answers, one words answers and the use of teen jargon, furthers content and quality of communication between you and your teen. Talking with your teenager will give you insight into his or her world and edify your relationship.
Getting Them to Talk
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