Three Steps for Diffusing Rage in Teenage Boys
Boys Rageful Acting Out Can be Reduced in Minutes
The three elements focused on in rage management may include isolating the boy from the trigger, promoting physical activity to address the body chemistry accompanying rage and applying concrete ideas to define the situation.
When an event triggers off your son’s rage, your actions in the first few moments not only cool off the situation, but also set up better patterns for future outbursts. Almost all boys can become angry, even over irrational events, bringing a regulated three step response will bring him back to a more leveled off emotional state.
Steps to Take When Your Son is Raging
A first step to take is to isolate the teenager from the event or situation. Whether this is getting him out of the room or into a car, quickly provide a physical separation between him and the trigger. This gives him a change of focus and will allow his mind to exercise some control over his behavior.
Many parents find it helpful to next move to a second step. Because anger is an emotion that feeds itself in teenage boys with endorphin and other biological agents, a cooling off period may be in order. In order to cool off, however, he may need to expend the built up energy.
In a study conducted by Elizabeth Susman, it was found that boys’ emotional states tie into the biochemical changes within their bodies. While this may sound paradoxical, having him walk around the block or spend some time doing push-ups may actually relax him by allowing an outlet for the biochemistry underlying the rage.
The most important step to take is going to be bringing the youth to clearly define the trigger that set off the rage in the first place. That is, to help him understand exactly what made him loose his temper. The more concrete and exact the definition, the better. Explore this with him until a satisfactory explanation can be found.
To subterfuge the rage, one has to bypass the emotional state and bring things to concrete terms. In other words, the teen needs to be able to define the event in simple terms. This process may take a while, especially when the rage has been intense or the teen is younger in his developmental process.
Once the trigger has been established, parents can begin to explore what elements could be controlled and what elements were beyond his control.
An Example of the Three Steps in Action
An example of this intervention in the face of rage would be follow these steps:
- Jake’s mom is picking up from football practice. As they walk to the car, a friend of Jake’s comes up and slaps him on the back. Jake erupts in rage, threatening and cursing at his friend and throwing his helmet to the ground.
- Jake’s mom recognizes the rage in her son, and immediately sends him to the car. On the way, Jake continues to seethe.
- Upon arriving home, Jake’s mom says, “Jake, I want you to run around the block as hard as you can and meet me back here in the driveway. No excuses. Do it now.”
- Jake complies and runs around the block arriving back at this house huffing and out of breath. “What did you do that for?”, asks Jake.
- “Jake,” Mom begins, “You were really out of control after practice. Can you tell me what you were so mad about? You were cursing and threw your helmet.”
- Jake begins by blaming his stupid friends. His mom bring his attention to the fact that his friends are an important part of his life and asks again what Jake was raging about.
- Jake finally says, “I missed three passes in practice. The slap on the back was from the guy who replaced me when I messed up.”
- Jake now had identified the trigger to his rage. He has made it through the process of going through the emotional phases and has had his rage diffused.
Bringing your son out of rage can be accomplished by removing him from the situation, helping him come to grips with the adrenaline and other body chemistry clouding his judgment and finally describing the trigger in concrete terms based in reality.
Once the triggers are identified, parents can discuss the trigger in unemotional terms and not have to fight through irrational rage. Following up with an exploration of anger can be helpful for avoiding the same trigger in the future.
Getting the Rage Out
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