Tips For Talking With Your Teen
How To Communicate Better With The Teenagers In Your Life!
Jun 19, 2008
During adolescence there are many changes taking place within a teen, both physically and emotionally. Parents can feel at times they are living in a house with a strange entity who has assumed the identity of their child, who was once so easy to talk to and communicate with. The good news for parents is that there are certainly some ways to help break down the communication barriers that may arise during the tumultuous teen years.
Set Some Discussion Ground Rules
Prior to an important or in-depth conversation with your teen, it is advisable to set some clear and basic ground rules as to what is and is not acceptable behaviour during a discussion. These rules need to be fair, yet non negotiable, and should be based around the premise of mutual respect.
As a suggestion, you may like to set pre-discussion rules outlining that you expect voices will not be raised, swearing will not be used and there won't be talking over one another. All parties must be prepared to follow the guidelines and this will demonstrate to your teenager that you respect the conversations you share and that you are prepared to be fair.
Teenagers, by nature, like to push limits and test boundaries. Should the guidelines not be followed, do be prepared to calmly reschedule the conversation for a later time when all parties are prepared to cooperate with the discussion rules. As the adult you will be demonstrating that maintaining fairness and respect is essential for communication to succeed.
Listen With Your Ears, Not Your Voice
There will be times when your teen will just want you to listen to what he or she has to say. At these times give your ears and resist the temptation to lecture. It is often very easy to forget this and many times parents and other adults tend to interject and share their life experience or offer suggestions. Ask if your teenager is seeking advice and if the answer is "no", then respect that. Always let your teen know you are prepared to offer suggestions and advice upon request but don't assume that it is always needed or wanted.
Mind their Feelings
A teenager's problems are very real to them. What adults might tend to dismiss as being trivial can be considered almost "life and death" by a teen. Adolescents are not always blessed with the ability to see the "big picture" or consider life beyond the events of today and so it is important not to minimise their concerns. If they appear worried about something, your full attention will validate their feelings and reassure them of your willingness to assist. This of course does not mean parents should encourage or fuel teen drama and always taking a problem solving approach to any issue will have them, in turn, making well considered decisions.
Keep Calm and Cool
How easy is to say, "talk to me!!" and then "blow up" at a teen when what they say is not what you want to hear, or how they are saying it is inappropriate? Open communication with your teenager will mean that sometimes you hear things you may not want to. At times like this, keep your cool, remind your teenager that you are committed to giving him or her a voice and that you have concerns with what was said or how it has been said. By remaining calm you will be sending an effective message about the appropriate way to discuss problems.
Sometimes It Can be Light
Not every discussion with your teenager has to be a major ordeal. Your teen will certainly benefit from having communication time with you that is stress-free and light-hearted. Move on after a hard conversation, and try not to bring up past difficult discussions as this will only breed resentment. Most importantly, let your teenager see you as being human too.
Although parenting your teen may seem an uphill battle at times, the effort made to create great communication will certainly help your relationship. Keep in mind that teens are in the prime of learning appropriate interpersonal skills and you can be their best role model by maintaining high communication expectations and by being fair in your listening and speaking during discussions with them.
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