When Role Models Fail Your Teenage Son
People Who are Heroes Make Mistakes and Cause Teen Confusion
Today media and culture seem to live for the latest steps by stars. It is natural for teenage boys to latch onto celebrities as role models. When a hero makes a major mistake, teens can act out. Parents need to be ready to help intervene with these emotions to help teenagers see the humanness of their heroes, understand the positive aspects the hero has reflected and find new role models for behavior.
When Chris Brown was arrested for aggravated assault, a ripple went through teenagers who had looked to him as a hero. Although mostly unfelt by adults, teens who are consumed with the industry experience emotions ranging from depression to anger simply because they have identified with the Mr. Brown as a role model.
Mel Gibson is facing a divorce and drunk driving charges. Teenagers, who had identified with him and his action movies and hero roles, may feel anger toward girls or have negative attitudes toward police. Again, this is from an internalization of Mr. Gibson as being the characters he plays in his movies, rather than as just a man in his 50s experiencing life.
Parents need to check in with their teenage boys when such events happen in the media. The behavior of the hero needs to be discussed. Parents need to explore the good qualities the teen has emulated from the hero. Where possible, other role models and interests need to be established.
When the Hero Falls
As soon as parents become aware of a icon's bad behavior, they should bring the subject up with their teenager. Ask questions to begin exploring the effect the hero has had, if any, on your son. Open ended questions such as, "Tell me what you think about Chris Brown hitting Rihanna?", or "How did you feel when Chris did that?". Look for negative emotions and note these for the next exploration.
Parents will want to bring the hero in trouble from the fantasy of Hollywood to the real world. Teenagers are often buying into the fantasy world offered up so quickly by television, where acceptance and love are given for questionable values. A good way to bring the hero down to earth is to look for stories on the Internet that include a brief biography of the fallen icon and share the articles with your teen.
Teenagers should also be asked to explore the positive influence they received from the hero. Many Hollywood and music industry stars have worked very hard and have made their persistence known publicly. Ask your teenager another opened ended question to have him explore the hero's contributions. A question like, "What good things did you see going on in Chris' life before the incident?", will illicit some of the qualities the teen has learned from the idol which are positive.
Replacing the Role Model
After the review, parents should be equipped with some very specific information from their teenage son's view on his role model. They should now know:
- The emotional effect the fall of the role model has had on the teenage son.
- The teen's thoughts on the positive qualities learned from the role model.
- How important the role model was to the youth.
From this knowledge, parents should be able to determine whether their son has been greatly affected by the failing of the role model, what qualities he needs to see reflected in his heroes and the field from which the youth draws role models.
Parents may wish to ask about other heroes or people their son thinks are "cool" that are prevalent in the media. Encourage continued interest in those heroes reflecting the values you hold and you wish to see in your son. Rent movies or attend an event where the role model will be performing and enjoy the experience with your teenager.
Also, now that parents know what values their son is receiving from his heroes, parents may want to strive to reflect these qualities. The qualities which you can reflect in your home such as integrity and honesty will add to the positive impact of outside role models.
After role models make mistakes, parents may find themselves with an upset or angry teenage boy. Help him through this period by identifying the positive aspects of the hero while emphasizing the humanity of the role model. Parents can help teens realize the good qualities and continue to enjoy these in other heroes. Parents should also take the opportunity to learn to be better role models themselves.
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