Parenting Teens

Posted by Mary McCarthy

I'm scared.

Just when I got used to this whole 'summer chill' thing- lazy days by the pool, trips to the beach, library books and popsicles, all of the sudden the stores are full of back to school stuff.

What's scary? How much back to school is going to cost!

God knows what they new backpack, sneakers, clothes, and who knows what else I haven't thought of yet is going to add up to at the checkout line.

I am thinking give the teen a budget- like, here is your $xx (no idea how much...) and you need to figure our how to budget it among clothes, shoes, etc.

Meanwhile, I am wearing a 6-year old tshirt and some sweatpants and the old flip flops that didn't fit her anymore.

Sigh.

Such is the life of a mom of a teen!

Posted by Mary McCarthy

You NEVER think it's going to be your teen. All the other kids in the neighborhood, sure. The 'group of bad kids' at the high school, absolutely. But your precious angel you raised from an infant? Never ever. So what are you supposed to do when you discover that your teen has been in a situation where alcohol was involved?

This is a tricky, awful subject for parents. Nobody wants to talk about it- you don't want to tell friends (because you're embarrassed) and it's such an extreme violation of trust, how are you supposed to handle your teen? You can ground them into the next millennium, but what you really want as a parent is to be sure they don't ever get into circumstances where their safety is in jeopardy.

As parents, we have to think back a bit in time. Did we ever sneak a taste or two of mom's wine or dad's beer? Pour a bit out of the liquor bottle, mark the spot, and fill it with water? If not, then we can't even begin to imagine our little offspring going down that road. But if we, as teens, experimented with alcohol a time or two, then we should try to be realistic about our own teen's - er- 'natural curiosity.'

Every parent (like every teen) is different. There is no golden rule, and like most things in parenthood, you have to make it up as you go along. Remember, if you haven't set perameters and given your teen a list of rules to follow, they won't automatically 'know better' (something about the brain cells not being mature enough...) so ultimately you are going to have to bite the bullet and talk to them.

Which means you'll definitely need a drink.

(just kidding!)

Posted by Mary McCarthy

I just had the opportunity to read the most interesting book. 100 Young Americans depicts the lives of teens today across America. Teens live in a completely different world than their parents ever did, and as parents of teens growing up in the "Instant Information Age" we should acknowledge that our kids are constantly barraged by media images, text messages, instant messages, you name it. The biggest technology parents of teens had to deal with was a dial phone and maybe an Atari game of Pong!

So click here to read a review of this book- within the review is a link to purchase the book if you're interested. I have really enjoyed reading about the diversity of teens across the U.S.- and my teenager is reading it now!

Posted by Mary McCarthy

What ever happened to that Fairy Godmother of Cinderella fame? Why can't she show up at MY HOUSE and find my daughter a dress for the prom?? I thought we had dealt with this A YEAR AGO when she picked out a lovely on-sale dress, despite my warnings that it would be out of style by next (ie this) spring. I was right. (Aren't mothers always?!) SO, early THIS season, she bought another dress - absolutely adorable. The problem this time? "Everyone else ended up buying the SAME ONE." Ugh. Now what? Well, the dance is only a few weeks away, so we turned to online shopping to try to find one. I was worried about her (excuse me- ME) buying a dress that might not fit, etc- but she had tried on a bunch in the stores, so we're hoping it might work. Here are some tips we came up with during the gown search. I am still hoping the Fairy Godmother will show up...

Posted by Mary McCarthy

Why can't they just clean their rooms when we BEG them to? This week there's a new article about 'helping' teens clean their rooms. My teen daughter's room is perpetually a mess. She brings cups and plates up there and leaves them to moldify indefinitely, there are always clothes on the floor, and I am not sure the bed has really ever been made.

Usually, I feel like it is a battle not worth fighting. But sometimes, like when my parents are coming to visit and will be staying in the room next to hers... I just want it to look like a human being lives there. So we go through the routine: ask, beg, demand... and then often, do it myself.

If anyone has any tips or suggestions for making teens clean up their bedrooms without being asked, please start a discussion so we can all learn from your wisdom! In the meantime... thank God for cell phones, ipods, cars and computers or else what would we use to ground them?!

Posted by Mary McCarthy

I think sometimes we spend so much time stressing out about parenting our teengaers- how to ground them, what their grades are, who they're spending time with, etc. that it is easy not to appreciate small moments of peacefulness with them.

The other day, after a typical week of work/school stress and the grind of the daily routine, I spent an entire Sunday on the couch with my teenager watching movies. She loves 80s movies, and I love seeing them again, so we love to search through the Guide listings seeing if Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles is on. Also, we both love scary movies, so a healthy dose of Silent Hill was thrown in as well.

I could have been doing laundry, dishes, or grocery shopping. She could have been texting, IM-ing or hanging out with friends, but we both ended up there, watching a bunch of movies and just hanging out. We didn't talk a lot- I didn't want to ruin it- but it sure was nice to be in the same room with her, both of us relaxed- nothing to talk about, nothing better to do.

I am trying to make the "Sunday movie time" a regular thing. It doesn't always happen, but the Sundays where it does are my favorites, and I am sure I will remember them fondly when she is off to college.

Posted by Mary McCarthy

My teenager wanted to go to the movies with her friends. They were going to see Juno. Sure, it's a movie about teenage pregnancy- but hey, I am thinking they are not PROMOTING it so I say ok (one mom didn't let her kid go. yikes!)

So I have to drive some kids up to the theatre. Now if I am going to drive up there 20 minutes and they need a ride back in like 90 minutes, there is no point in me driving home. And I have read some really good reviews of Juno.

So the dilemma: do I let her see me come in to the movie theatre while she is there with her friends? No way. She'll kill me.

So I know the girl at the popcorn stand. I ask her to do some reconnaissance for me. She tells me where they are sitting. I enter the theatre (waiting for the darkest scene) wearing my hood and sort of skulking with my popcorn quickly to my seat.

The movie was awesome. The main girl is amazing (and thus nominated for best actress!). Totally a must see.

And- I am not worried about the teen pregnancy aspect judging from the loud EWWWWWWWW heard throughout the crowd during the birth scene (the 3 camouflaged moms in the place could be heard saying AWWWW!).

I sneak out the fire exit front door so they won't see me come out, and when I find them outside, I tell the kids I saw National Treasure (right.) On the way home, I did tell my daughter I saw Juno. We talked about how great it was, then she told me her friend's mom was in the theatre and why didn't I just sit with her?

You can't win.

Posted by Mary McCarthy

My teenage daughter got Guitar Hero (for her sister's Nintendo Wii) at the holidays and since then our house has become a concert stage for some rockin' tunes!

I have to say, when she got Guitar Hero I didn't think we as parents would be participating- but now it is hilarious to watch my husband rocking out to Kiss or the Scorpions.

And, ok, I have to admit that as a lifelong 80's girl I have jammed to Pat Benatar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" and Heart's "Barracuda" a time or two. I am not very good- you get booed off the virtual stage if you don't hit a certain amount of notes- but I have a lot of fun trying!

There are easy,medium and hard levels- and if you're really bad (like me when I first played) you get a chance to 'practice' and not worry about impressing the virtual crowd at the virtual concert (you even get to pick what 'venue' to play which is fun). If you are successful you are told that YOU ROCK, which is somehow very rewarding.

So- if your teen has Guitar Hero and you haven't tried it- plug in your inner Motley Crue and get rockin!

Posted by Mary McCarthy

Ok, here's how it went.

I bought my teenage daughter a gift certificate to the salon for a manicure to reward her for a good report card. Nice story so far, right?

Her appointment was at 5 pm. At 6 pm I had planned to go out with two friends for sushi. A mother of four, I hadn't gone out with my friends in three months, and didn't want to be late. It was pouring rain. I had a horrible day- migraine, toddler pooped in the tub, late on a deadline, you name it.

I sent her a text message that I'd be there 'in 5 minutes.' She texted back that she wasn't ready (drying nails.) I texted when I was outside and ready to go. She then called me (live!) and when I picked up the phone, I.... sort of lost it, yelling "YOU NEED TO GET OUT HERE RIGHT NOW! I'M NOT GOING TO BE LATE!" I hung up. In an honest motherhood moment of weakness, I just wanted her to be considerate of the fact that I had plans. In retrospect, I should have made sure her appointment was another time- duh!

She came out to the car (with the nail girl, who opened the car door so her nails wouldn't be wrecked) and got in. She turned and gave me this tiny smile of satisfaction. "My speakerphone was on the loudest setting," she said. "Everyone in the salon heard you yelling."

I sank into my seat. A bad mom. Ugh. The worst part: she is smiling- like enjoying how humiliated I am!!

Happy ending to the story? The martinis at the sushi restaurant were great! And as a mom of a teenager- still learning the ropes- we sometimes need one. Having my friends there to listen to the story: priceless.

Posted by Mary McCarthy

I guess I'm going to find out whether my teenage daughter reads this pretty soon! I'd hate to be embarrassing her as much or more on the internet as I do in 'real life' LOL! (you can tell I have a teenager...) Sarah has been fantastic, though- offering some great ideas for articles!

Since this is my first blog post, I guess I'll introduce myself! My name is Mary and I have four kids- Sarah, 14, Molly, 10, Faith, 5 and Bobby (last try for the boy!), 2. Though I've been a professional writer for 15 years, I am a relative newcomer to the world of raising teenagers, although sometimes it seems nowadays that the hormones kick in WELL before 13! So bear with me as I learn about the topic. Please join us by posting discussions and articles on parenting teens- so we can all learn together!

I look forward to learning more on this page about parenting teenage boys- because just when I think I've become an expert on Parenting Teens- with three teen girls coming down the pike- I'm sure a teen boy is whole new kind of creature!

So thanks for stopping by Parenting Teens. Hope you'll be back soon!

Please check out my articles for Suite and give me some ideas for new ones!